Tomorrow is my birthday. I hadn't really thought about it until today. There's not much I can do to celebrate sense I'm on bed rest so I decided I'll just have a quiet day and go visit Jayden at the cemetery. That's when it hit me like a ton of bricks...August is only 3 months away now, that means in a little over three months Jayden will be A two year old.
It's been driving me crazy lately with this new pregnancy. I'm at 18 weeks now and we just found out a couple weeks ago that it's going to be a baby girl! but it's so hard answering people's questions...all the time people are assuming that this is my first pregnancy and trying to give me advice on what its going to feel like when the baby kicks and moves..I'm constantly having to remind people that I was 6 months pregnant with Jayden before he was born, I know what it's like to be pregnant.
But then the worse part is when people start telling me how to take care of a newborn and how I'm not going to get all the sleep...you know, the usual...I want to snap there heads off and scream that I've already had a baby! that I have a son he's just not here anymore! but I can't...I have to bite my tongue and nod my head in agreement.. It breaks my heart to suck up my pride and admit that even though Jayden lived for almost 6 weeks I never got to do any of the normal everyday things you would do with a newborn. I hate taking advise on things that I should already know...but don't....It honestly makes me feel like a failure as a mom.
It's hard for me to picture my son as a two year old. All these questions run through my mind...What would he look like? what would he do? what would he be like? would he be a daddy's boy or a Mommy's boy? I wander if anyone else thinks about Jayden as much as I do....I think about him everyday...
It's been driving me crazy lately with this new pregnancy. I'm at 18 weeks now and we just found out a couple weeks ago that it's going to be a baby girl! but it's so hard answering people's questions...all the time people are assuming that this is my first pregnancy and trying to give me advice on what its going to feel like when the baby kicks and moves..I'm constantly having to remind people that I was 6 months pregnant with Jayden before he was born, I know what it's like to be pregnant.
But then the worse part is when people start telling me how to take care of a newborn and how I'm not going to get all the sleep...you know, the usual...I want to snap there heads off and scream that I've already had a baby! that I have a son he's just not here anymore! but I can't...I have to bite my tongue and nod my head in agreement.. It breaks my heart to suck up my pride and admit that even though Jayden lived for almost 6 weeks I never got to do any of the normal everyday things you would do with a newborn. I hate taking advise on things that I should already know...but don't....It honestly makes me feel like a failure as a mom.
It's hard for me to picture my son as a two year old. All these questions run through my mind...What would he look like? what would he do? what would he be like? would he be a daddy's boy or a Mommy's boy? I wander if anyone else thinks about Jayden as much as I do....I think about him everyday...
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