Stuck

I'm now 26 weeks 2 days. Made it passed the 23 week 5 day mark...
Had to go to the hospital last week with contractions, scared the hell out of me. Oddly enough I didn't have a panic attack like I thought for sure I would being in a hospital again. Had to get 3 shots of tributaline, which I hate, but anything is worth avoiding premature labor. I had so many shots of tributaline when I was pregnant with Jayden that I couldn't even count them, the next step after that is the magnesium which is nasty stuff, Didn't have to get any of that this time tho thank God. They didn't see anything wrong other than I guess I was dehydrated so they sent me home. I went to the Dr. the next day to get an ultrasound and make sure everything is still ok. It showed that everything looked good, they said she's a little over 2lbs right now which is awesome, but it's weird to think that she is bigger than her older brother.
Being in the hospital again shocked the hell out of me, I was so afraid they were going to try and air lift me to Good Sam again, and I was so prepared to raise hell and refuse Phoenix Children's hospital and demand St. Joes. Honestly tho I cant imagine ever walking into another NICU at any hospital.
Being back in the hospital did make me realize something tho. I am still stuck, I still feel like Jayden passed away yesterday, yet it's been almost 2 years now... I feel like the world kept turning for everyone else but my world stopped the day he died and I'm still stuck in the same state of mind. I guess theres nothing I can really do about it.