We got up early this morning to go to the ob to see the baby's heartbeat. The heartbeat was strong and everything looked and sounded great until the ultrasound tech asked if we knew the due date. I told her they had told me sometime in September or October but nothing for sure yet.
She said the "official" due date is October 4Th. My mouth dropped. That's the day Jayden died. The day I spent all year dreading. The day I tried to block off the calender last year. I asked her if it was definite or if it could possibly change, she said it's a pretty for sure due date.
I really don't know what to think. I fought so hard not to cry on the drive leaving the doctor.
Some people are telling me that it's a good thing because it's like Jayden coming back, or sending us a reason to be happy on that day instead of sad.
What people don't understand is that I love this baby so much, but no baby could replace Jayden, and it's not Jayden "coming back". This is his little brother or sister and he is up in Heaven watching over it every day.
I just don't know what to think. I don't know how I am supposed to look forward to that day, I just can't get excited for that day....I hate that day.... I'm so so confused right now I don't even know what to make of it. All I keep telling myself is that I'll get induced early and not have to worry about it. It's just so weird.....
She said the "official" due date is October 4Th. My mouth dropped. That's the day Jayden died. The day I spent all year dreading. The day I tried to block off the calender last year. I asked her if it was definite or if it could possibly change, she said it's a pretty for sure due date.
I really don't know what to think. I fought so hard not to cry on the drive leaving the doctor.
Some people are telling me that it's a good thing because it's like Jayden coming back, or sending us a reason to be happy on that day instead of sad.
What people don't understand is that I love this baby so much, but no baby could replace Jayden, and it's not Jayden "coming back". This is his little brother or sister and he is up in Heaven watching over it every day.
I just don't know what to think. I don't know how I am supposed to look forward to that day, I just can't get excited for that day....I hate that day.... I'm so so confused right now I don't even know what to make of it. All I keep telling myself is that I'll get induced early and not have to worry about it. It's just so weird.....
3 comments:
Hi Mandy, First of all, a due date is not completely accurate and it could change give or take a few days, weeks even. Try not to dread it. Do you have the same DR this time around? Are they aware of your situation. They may be willing to induce a week or two earlier to help aliviate some of that stress as well. Just talk to the DR. I will be praying as well that you will find comfort in the coming weeks and months.
Leigh
Thank you so much. Yes I do have the same doctor, unfortunetly he has so many patients that he didn't even remember who I was, I had to remind him. Thats what I'm hoping, is to induce early.
Thanks again
Liam was due September 19, which will always be a special date in my heart.... but, he was not born until the 25th, and that was after being induced. A due date is a guess, not a date set in stone. The baby comes when it comes - early, on time or late. I know you have conflicting emotions about Jayden's angel day and the due date of your new baby, but try not to fret about them sharing the day just yet.
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